The Mystical Aura of Girl Scout Cookies and the Sad Tasteless Truth

Whether you have a healthy relationship with food or not, there is one time of year that we Americans rejoice in together: GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME! Fat or thin, active or couch-potato, foodie or raw fanatic - the majority of us still feel a little surge of happiness when that ordering sheet comes around at work. Maybe you don't give in to the temptation, maybe you buy just one box (it IS a fundraiser after all, you say to yourself), maybe you hope your spouse ordered a couple just in case. 


I was not a Girl Scout, just not my thing, but I remember Mom ordering a whole bunch of cookies every year when I was little.  Dad was a Thin Mint guy and Mom dug the Do-Si-Dos (so what if they gave you heartburn and enough gas to cause you to go airborn?)  Like most folks, Dad kept his Thin Mints in the freezer and ate one sleeve at a time.  I didn't discover the joys of Samoas until college when a friend of mine would have a nigh-rapturous experience eating one cookie each day (so they would last, he explained).


However, for the last ten or so years, they just haven't been as good.  Every year, I'm disappointed and make a mental note to avoid them the following year.  First of all, I recall the sleeves being bigger, which wouldn't be a big deal if the cookies were as tasty as they used to be.  I don't know if they switched bakeries (I know there's 2 different bakeries now - hence the different names given to the same cookies, i.e. Samoas vs Caramel deLites) but I do think they make a lower quality product now.  Thin Mints have a waxy taste, Trefoils taste like shortening instead of butter, the cookie part of the Do-Si-Dos has a cardboard consistency.  Did the Girl Scouts fall victim to corporate cost-controlling measures in mass production?  In food manufacturing, they call it quality control - machines measure, pour, and mix to "ensure product consistency" - but what if that product is consistently bad?


We're all aware that cookies are not the best choice for our hearts or waistline.  An apple or some grapes would be a much more healthful choice, but a few cookies every now and then will not dig the proverbial early grave.   Three of their most popular choices, Tagalongs, Samoas, and Thin Mints all tout the "0g Trans Fats" moniker, but because the FDA guidelines allow for some gray area, a serving size must contain LESS THAN ONE gram of trans fats.  Partially hydrogenated oils are what changes the viscosity of our blood - sludging it up so it's harder to pump through your veins and tends to glob up & get stuck - hello heart attack.  A serving size of Samoas is 2 cookies, so if you eat 4 of those tasty little morsels, you've consumed nearly 4g trans fats.  (Check out this blurb from the Chicago Tribune) Moderation is key when indulging, but who eats just 2 Girl Scout Cookies?


Maybe you can eat a couple of Chips Ahoy, but you know that they'll still be at the store next time you go.  Not so with Girl Scout cookies - the sheer limited availability practically forces you to gobble them up right away! Maybe that's part of the strategy - the "McRib Mentality" I like to call it.  When something's only available for a limited time, the advertising companies have trained us to buy a product "before it runs out!"  The McRib (deconstructed here - I caution you to view this only if you're not a fan) is a shaped meat product designed to resemble the real thing, and through some marketing wizardy, McDonald's ensures sales.  Girl Scout Cookies are designed to resemble cookies that might come out of a regular store front bakery, but taste worse than off-brand boxed cookies you get at the supermarket. 


So I guess what I'm saying is, next year just donate directly to the Girl Scouts and buy yourself a nice cookie from a neighborhood shop, like Bennison's Bakery.  If you're gonna indulge on special cookies, at least make it worth the money!