Dieting for 25 years and still addicted to food

Just in case you're wondering, I've been dieting all my life.  I was a chubby kid who evened out slightly after puberty (at age 10!) and continued to chub up into adulthood.  There are several different factors that led to my weight gain, but it still comes down to a convergence of genetics and behavior.  Finally, when I was 16, my "lady doctor" diagnosed me with PCOS - turns out my hormones tip the scales more than anything else.  It means that it's easy for me to gain weight and very difficult, but not impossible, to lose.  It also doesn't help that my Mom & Dad had their own weight issues, so when they dieted, so did I.

Just for kicks, let's list the diets I've been on:

Age 7 - The Stoplight Diet for Kids.  Basically, foods were given a red, yellow, or green light based on their nutritional value.  It turned common sense into a system - Apples are green, cheese is yellow, Snickers are red.

Age 8 - Mom went on the Pritikin Diet, so we did as well.

Age 9 - the "No Junk Food" diet - we weren't allowed any junk food, so I started going to Walgreens with a friend after school, buying candy bars and hiding them under my mattress.  Only lasted about a few months, but when my Mom caught me in the act, thereby discovering the reason behind my 10lb weight gain, she realized this was pretty stupid.

Age 10-11 - the "Breadstick Diet" - don't really remember much about this except that we only had breadsticks and Stella Doro's for snacks.  Low fat was the concept, so pasta was allowed and boy, we ate a lot of it!

Age 11 - Jenny Craig.  That sucked.

Age 12 - my volleyball coach suggested that I go on Slim-Fast before 8th grade started.  Losing 30lbs didn't do anything for my volleyball career - I still wasn't a starter.

Age 14-15 - my gym teacher, Coach Van Alstin, was really into aerobics.  She actually made me want to exercise.  But between theater after school, dinner, homework (and failing Chem), I just couldn't stick to it.

Age 16 - ahh, good ol' Starvation.  A cup of tea for breakfast, a Diet Coke and bag of chips for lunch, got home most nights too late for dinner, so I snacked and went to sleep.  Eventually, I realized how stupid this was since I'd hardly lost any weight. And I was really fucking cranky.

Age 17-18 - Now I've been diagnosed with PCOS and started to see an endocrinologist.  After a few visits, lots of labs and tests, we still couldn't figure out exactly what was going on between my stomach and my brain.  Food Addiction was not very well-studied in those days (still isn't, though it's better) so he simply suggested I go on Phen-Fen.  After the worse summer of my life, I agreed to take it.  It was a miracle! I wasn't hungry, I was feeling pretty good, and started college 45lbs thinner, back to my freshman year of high school weight!  I kept taking my walks around DePaul, joined a gym... then I noticed how "off" I was feeling.  I was agitated, I couldn't sleep very well, I was more fearful... Was this due to the medicine, a form of speed, or was this just because I was living in the dorms and didn't really know anyone?  Not sure, I stopped taking the medicine.  A month later, news reports surfaced that people were dying due to lung and heart issues created by Phen-Fen and the drug combo was taken off the market.  Did I dodge a bullet, or did the sudden weight gain I experienced afterwards simply alter the trajectory for a later date?

Age 19-20 - counted calories & exercised.  Not much of a dent.

Age 22 - Protein Power, a more scientific approach to Atkins with an emphasis on good carbs and lean protein.  Very successful - about 80lbs.  Course, a girl can't live without bread and chocolate forever!  Unfortunately, all the weight came back and more to my BELLY!

Age 24 - Back to counting calories and exercising like a beast.  Lost some weight, but reshaping my body was the biggest payoff.  I was dating a lot and my brother was in the hospital, so I didn't have a lot of downtime to mindlessly munch.

Age 25 - started dating my husband and didn't focus so much on calories, but kept my work-out regime going.

Age 26 - got engaged and moved to South Carolina.  Food was my only familiar in a new place.

Age 27 - moved back to Chicago.  My sleep apnea, which I've always had, became severe due to my weight.  "Excessive daytime sleepiness" is a symptom, but that's an understatement.  It was more like narcolepsy!  My husband, who never had a problem with my weight, now had an issue with my health.  He was concerned, as was my Mom.  I started Weight Watchers online, then meetings a few months later.  Did well, lost 50lbs and hit a 2 month plateau.  My new meeting leader remarked that I'm like a sumo wrestler - lots of muscle under lots of fat.  What a jackass - no girl wants to hear that she's like a sumo wrestler!  Quit that shit right away.  Kept on exercising and watching points, but the plateau was never-ending.

Age 29 - Started a new job, which alternated between boring and stressful.  At least my CPAP machine for the apnea started keeping me awake during the day, but the boredom drove me to eat.  Tried low-carb again with less success.

Age 30 - my father suddenly died and we all gained weight.  Food was my comfort, my solace, my coping mechanism.  My job moved to a new building with a much longer commute.  By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was get in my comfy clothes and munch.  


Then, just after my 31st birthday, I had a major health wake-up call.  There's nothing like hearing that your kidneys are failing to make you re-prioritize!  With my husband's blessing, I quit that job that was slowly pushing me towards an early grave.  I began focusing more on how I felt rather than how I looked.


The addiction gene runs in my family, and years of dieting not only contributed to making food my drug of choice, it led to my poor health, terrible self-image and inability to cope with life's curveballs.  Our bodies are machines - they are made to move and made to work through pain.  Exercise, not diet, should be what we focus on - as you move, your body wants better fuel to work.  Now, I just focus on how I feel moving - swimming, walking, weights, playing with the dog, waking up feeling good, going to sleep at a decent hour because my muscles are telling me it's time to repair... this is what's important.