Baby Shits & Grammy Toes: Anti-Foodie Recipes for the Big Game

I'm sure Carmelized Onion Pork Sliders on Challah and Tipsy Popcorn are tasty, but the "average joe' in all of us is probably just looking for something quick, yummy, and familiar when it comes to Superbowl (or Stanley Cup or World Series) noshing.  Here are a few recipes that would make Paula Deen proud.  


Note ~ I'm not a food photographer so don't be surprised by the quality of the pics I took with my cell phone :)

Grammy Toes

My Gramma used to joke that her toes looked like cocktail weiners at the end of the day, so this my tribute to her sense of humor.  Essentially, it's your good ol' bagel dog, but instead of spending $8 on a package of so-so 24 Vienna Bagel Dogs at the supermarket, you can spend less than that on 64 cocktail franks wrapped inside of pillow of homemade bagel dough.

I used 2 packages of Hebrew National cocktail franks, but any mini-dog or Li'l Smokie will do.  You can knead the dough by hand, but I found a food processor or stand mixer with a bread blade to be much faster.  The neat thing about this dough is that you can just make 12 bagels shaped by hand or use a biscuit cutter to make little bagel pockets for different fillings, like mini Beef Wellingtons or Cheesy Chicken Bacon bites.  You can also add more sugar and cinnamon to make dessert pockets, like mini apple pies.

Bagel Dough

1 tsp active dry yeast

1 1/4 cups warm skim or 2% milk (instant thermometer should read between 105 - 115 degrees)

2 tbs sugar

1/4 cup softened butter (half a stick)

2 tsp salt

1 egg yolk

3 3/4 cups AP flour

1. Warm the milk in the microwave, add yeast and sugar, mix well and let sit for 2 mins; should start to bubble slightly.

2. Add softened butter and egg yolk to mixing bowl

3. Pour yeast mixture in mixing bowl

4. Add flour and salt 

5. Turn on mixer to combine well.  You want the dough to form a ball.  After the dough (it will be stickier than your typical bread dough) pulls away from the wall of the bowl and clings to the mixing blade, let it go for another 60 seconds or so.  The surface of the dough should start to look somewhat shiny.

6. Put dough into a lightly floured freezer bag and seal, careful to leave enough room for the rise.  Let rise in warm place for about an hour until its doubled in size.

7. Dump sticky dough onto a lightly floured work surface; punch down and let rest for 5-10 minutes.  

Prep the dog and cook

1. Bring large pot of water to boil

2. Roll dough out to 1/4 inch thickness.  Using a pizza cutter, cut strips approximately an inch wide and 1.5 inches long.  You should end up with enough for about 64 bagel dogs.

3. Dump both packages of cocktail franks onto a couple of paper towels; pat dry.  If you leave them wet, the dough won't adhere as well.

4. Start wrapping! Twist the small sections of dough around each dog, being careful to seal the seams.  You should have a little bit of the dog peaking out from both ends.

5. Preheat oven to 380 degrees; make sure racks are placed in the upper half of the oven.

6. Drop dogs in boiling water; don't overcrowd.  When they float, remove to a dinner plate (so the excess water drains) with a slotted spoon.  If a few unroll, as you can see here, just redo them with a new strip of dough.

7. Quickly place bagel dogs on a greased cookie sheet (I used Pam Cooking Spray) about an inch or 2 apart.  The dough will puff up, so you need room. *Remember, you're moving items that have just been in boiling water!  If you don't have "abestos hands" like I do after so many years of burning them in the kitchen, use tongs! 

8.  Bake 20-25 minutes until you see a light browning.  They will not turn the typical darker color of bagels unless your broil them (which I think is a waste of time) or put an egg wash on them. 

Remember to take them off the pan pretty soon after baking or they will stick!  I shake them around just when they come out of the oven.  You can serve them immediately with a little mustard and ketchup or place them in an airtight container to zap in the microwave later (30 seconds on high for 12 dogs, add 5 seconds for every 5 dogs after that)

In the end, you should have delicious little franks covered in a crunchy, chewy bagel without the shortening flavor you get when you use a canned dough like Pillsbury.


*Tip: You'll likely end up with a few strips that don't have a matching dog.  Make bagel strips!  Boil them before you put the bagel dogs in (so they don't taste like hot dog water) and bake as instructed. I snacked on mine with a little butter & jelly smoosh.  My Mom likes to sprinkle sea salt on them before baking; you can also sprinkle sesame seeds, poppy seeds, garlic powder, shredded cheddar or asiago before baking.  Endless possibilities. 

Baby Shits

This recipe is so-named because the end result resembles a toddler's diaper, or at least I've been told.  A woman I used to work with made these for our potlucks and they were always quick to go - spicy, cheesy, meaty yumminess.  I'm not a big fan of Velveeta, but this is one recipe that isn't the same without it.

2 packages of mini (or entertaining slices) rye bread

12 oz Velveeta, cut into cubes

16 oz (1 package) Jimmy Dean's hot pork sausage

1 tsp oregano

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp onion powder

*cayenne or red pepper flakes if you want it to be firey hot

1. Brown sausage, drain

2. In a 2-qt cassarole dish, combine cooked sausage, Velveeta cubes, and spices.  Zap in microwave until cheese is melted and mixture is thoroughly combined.  About 3 minutes on high, stirring every 30 seconds.

3. Preheat broiler on 400 degrees or high setting.

4. Arrange rye slices on sheet pan(s).

5. Slather (yes, slather) sausage mixture onto each bread slice.

6. Broil about 4 inches from the top of oven for approximately 5 minutes.  You want the sausage mixture to brown and start to carmelize; the edges of the bread should be toasted.

7. Serve (however, they're still tasty at room temp)

Are these healthful recipes? Nope. But that's what crudite is for ;-)

I'll be adding pictures in the future.