Self-Image Doesn't Just Appear in the Mirror

Maybe it's just because everyone's still thinking about their New Year's Resolutions, but I'm seeing a trend in the media that seems to encourage hyper-body consciousness more than usual.  Or maybe it's because awards season is upon us, so we have plenty of chances to criticize stars' bodies and fashion choices.  Whatever the reason, it's nuts.




I saw something posted on a friend's Facebook wall - "Losing weight makes you look good in clothes.  Exercise makes you look good naked."


Yeah, and dieting makes you a bitch.


Here's the thing - I'm kind of an expert in dieting.  Up until a few years ago, I was always on some sort of diet that always worked in the short term, but nothing really ever addressed the issues I had with food and body image and self-esteem there was no long term.  If I was hungry, I was bitchy and if I felt ugly, I was bitchy.  Vicious cycle.


If your self-image and self-worth is based on how you look, then I urge you to dig deeper.  If you think your Significant Other (referred to as SO henceforth) will love you more or treat you better if you lose those 10 annoying pounds, that's not true.  Your SO probably doesn't even notice that your thighs touch a little or that you have a few dimples on your booty.  If your SO does notice, then he/she will love you enough to not say anything to you about them.  If, on the other hand, your SO points it out in a nasty manner, then he or she isn't the one for you.


If, after you've been together a long time, your SO mentions that there's some concern for your health because you've gained 50lbs, then by all means, listen.  Your SO is telling you that they want you to be around for a long time.  If your SO strays and blames it on your weight gain, that's a lie.  Or, rather, it's an excuse for their own flaws.  Get rid of 'em, get healthy, and find someone who loves you no matter what.  Because, when you think about it, one day we'll all be old and gray and liver-spotted and wrinkly and rotund - how you look when you're 80 won't matter as much as whether or not you still have things to laugh about together.


Another quote that irritates me to no end is "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."  Horseshit.  I know a lot of thin women who are absolutely miserable.  If 2lbs makes a difference in how your day goes, then eat a Fiber One, have a good poop and move on from it.  Life is short, way too short to avoid cheese and wine and chocolate all the time.  Unwinding with your friends over a bottle of wine at the end of a difficult week tastes so much better than thin feels.


Now, it might sound like I'm saying "Go ahead and let yourself go" but that's not it.  I'm saying that self-worth should not be based on a number on the scale.  If anything, look at your overall health and make tweaks there, but that should still only be one component of your self-worth.


I definitely have my struggles.  I'm a fat chick - I encounter judgement and looks of disdain from strangers a few times a week and, in short, it's extremely unpleasant .  However, I know that if I didn't give others a chance because of a split-second impression, I would've lost out on a lot of really wonderful friends, even my husband.  If those disdainful strangers don't want to know me, then that's their problem. They'll never have the  pleasure of knowing how funny, smart, caring, and insightful I can be. They'll never know the joy of my freshly baked apple bread or bacon mac 'n cheese.  If they need a shoulder to cry on at 2am, it won't be mine.  I won't be the one to take them shopping and give them an honest fashion opinion.  We all have flaws and peccadilloes - I feel that recognizing that puts you on a path to acceptance.


We should always strive to better versions of ourselves, but our waistlines should not be the sole focus.  Besides, I'd rather have my biggest flaw apparent to the world, rather than be a skinny bitch who lets her crazy out at the most inopportune moments! :-)