This is a kinda' sorta' companion piece to my previous post about weight's effects on self-image. One of my oldest friends, let's call him Mike because that's his name, has recently started on the Crossfit bandwagon. For those uninitiated, like myself, the regime seems like pure militaristic torture; the pull-ups alone would rip my arms off faster than a Wookie ever could. But his enthusiasm got me thinking about addiction theory - that we tend to switch one vice for another and how that can be a good thing for our self-image.
During college, we tend to live high on the hog. By that I mean we're high and eating like pigs. You're invincible, you're gonna live forever, everyone will know your name.... wait, that's Carmen... In any case, you're burning the candles at both ends - going to class or work on no sleep is a non-issue, drinking warm Bud Light in the hot sun is totally acceptable, gorging on Taco Bell or Pizza Hut Meatlover's Pizza at 1am is a weekly thing, you have a regrettable random, and you learn quickly that there are no boundaries between roommates (which is good practice for cohabitation - STOP TALKING TO ME FROM THE BATHROOM!)
Anywaaaayyy... So, yeah, you're basically a hooligan. A disgusting, eating too much, drinking too much, smoking too much hooligan with nary a care in the world except graduating and getting a decent job. Unfortunately, much like the aforementioned Carmen, you learn all too soon the wicked and boring ways of the world. Now, throwing up in the trashcan at work is only acceptable if you're pregnant or have a violent flu. Sleep is not optional. Bills need to get paid. Water is the preferred drink of choice in the hot sun. Your vacation is more like a relaxing week at the beach instead of going un-showered for days at a festival concert. And your genes start to kick in.
You begin to wonder if that "stress headache" you've had for a month is actually something more, so like a responsible sober adult, you go to the doctor and discover your blood pressure's so high that your head is dangerously close to imploding. Your knee is cracking and swollen all the time but you haven't played football in ten years. You've become acutely aware of gastrointestinal distress as it happens once a week yet you haven't been to Taco Burrito King in four months. And your doctor starts to seem really interested in your family history, nodding along as you list every ailment you can remember off the top of your head.
And to put the icing on the proverbial cake, you've gotten fat. Maybe not "DA-YUM" big, but you're definitely not as fit as you once were. First, you deny. Then you blame the booze. And next, it's your job's fault. Excuse after excuse until one day, you just admit defeat. Your lack of diet and exercise combined with your genetic heritage has won. "For now...." you say to your gut in a voice that promises it may have won the battle, but not the war.
It's at this stage that I've found people shedding their old addictions in favor of a new one - the "Healthy Lifestyle." It's not a bad thing (except for some special people, but that's another post down the road). A friend in college, Tim, lived up to the standard of his Irish fore-bearers up until he realized that a fat chick like me had better stamina at concerts. He vowed to run a marathon and finish. Over the following year, he became obsessed with running - running shoes, running websites, running nutrition. He also lost 40lbs and most of his hair, but he finished that god-forsaken marathon. And damn, I was proud of him. He'd changed his whole self-image, going from a slightly husky, beer-swilling guy in traditional slacker dress who fell asleep at work to figuring out that he was capable of more than just dreaming about a better life. Running became religion and making me grilled salmon replaced taking me out for pizza and beer.
Another friend of mine, T-dog as we call her, became a yoga fanatic and she's happier than she's ever been. Yoga and macrobiotic vegan food became the mantra for another girl I've known since I was born. Mike has gone from being a little chunky and happy that he hasn't passed out on the treadmill to feeling pride while doing crazy kettlebell exercises and pull-ups with a body fat of 13%. On occasion, even I have been known to be slightly obsessed with my routine, and like the folks I've mentioned, it mostly comes down to being competitive with yourself - can you bike/run one more mile than the day before? Can you manage 5 more minutes on the elliptical than yesterday? Is swimming a whole mile within your reach?
In the end, when you're competitive with yourself, when you're trying to be a better version of you, the numbers on the scale don't matter. If you need a new belt because the old one just can't be tightened anymore, then fantastic - but all you really want is to be stronger than you were yesterday.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Self-Image Doesn't Just Appear in the Mirror
Maybe it's just because everyone's still thinking about their New Year's Resolutions, but I'm seeing a trend in the media that seems to encourage hyper-body consciousness more than usual. Or maybe it's because awards season is upon us, so we have plenty of chances to criticize stars' bodies and fashion choices. Whatever the reason, it's nuts.
I saw something posted on a friend's Facebook wall - "Losing weight makes you look good in clothes. Exercise makes you look good naked."
Yeah, and dieting makes you a bitch.
Here's the thing - I'm kind of an expert in dieting. Up until a few years ago, I was always on some sort of diet that always worked in the short term, but nothing really ever addressed the issues I had with food and body image and self-esteem there was no long term. If I was hungry, I was bitchy and if I felt ugly, I was bitchy. Vicious cycle.
If your self-image and self-worth is based on how you look, then I urge you to dig deeper. If you think your Significant Other (referred to as SO henceforth) will love you more or treat you better if you lose those 10 annoying pounds, that's not true. Your SO probably doesn't even notice that your thighs touch a little or that you have a few dimples on your booty. If your SO does notice, then he/she will love you enough to not say anything to you about them. If, on the other hand, your SO points it out in a nasty manner, then he or she isn't the one for you.
If, after you've been together a long time, your SO mentions that there's some concern for your health because you've gained 50lbs, then by all means, listen. Your SO is telling you that they want you to be around for a long time. If your SO strays and blames it on your weight gain, that's a lie. Or, rather, it's an excuse for their own flaws. Get rid of 'em, get healthy, and find someone who loves you no matter what. Because, when you think about it, one day we'll all be old and gray and liver-spotted and wrinkly and rotund - how you look when you're 80 won't matter as much as whether or not you still have things to laugh about together.
Another quote that irritates me to no end is "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Horseshit. I know a lot of thin women who are absolutely miserable. If 2lbs makes a difference in how your day goes, then eat a Fiber One, have a good poop and move on from it. Life is short, way too short to avoid cheese and wine and chocolate all the time. Unwinding with your friends over a bottle of wine at the end of a difficult week tastes so much better than thin feels.
Now, it might sound like I'm saying "Go ahead and let yourself go" but that's not it. I'm saying that self-worth should not be based on a number on the scale. If anything, look at your overall health and make tweaks there, but that should still only be one component of your self-worth.
I definitely have my struggles. I'm a fat chick - I encounter judgement and looks of disdain from strangers a few times a week and, in short, it's extremely unpleasant . However, I know that if I didn't give others a chance because of a split-second impression, I would've lost out on a lot of really wonderful friends, even my husband. If those disdainful strangers don't want to know me, then that's their problem. They'll never have the pleasure of knowing how funny, smart, caring, and insightful I can be. They'll never know the joy of my freshly baked apple bread or bacon mac 'n cheese. If they need a shoulder to cry on at 2am, it won't be mine. I won't be the one to take them shopping and give them an honest fashion opinion. We all have flaws and peccadilloes - I feel that recognizing that puts you on a path to acceptance.
We should always strive to better versions of ourselves, but our waistlines should not be the sole focus. Besides, I'd rather have my biggest flaw apparent to the world, rather than be a skinny bitch who lets her crazy out at the most inopportune moments! :-)
I saw something posted on a friend's Facebook wall - "Losing weight makes you look good in clothes. Exercise makes you look good naked."
Yeah, and dieting makes you a bitch.
Here's the thing - I'm kind of an expert in dieting. Up until a few years ago, I was always on some sort of diet that always worked in the short term, but nothing really ever addressed the issues I had with food and body image and self-esteem there was no long term. If I was hungry, I was bitchy and if I felt ugly, I was bitchy. Vicious cycle.
If your self-image and self-worth is based on how you look, then I urge you to dig deeper. If you think your Significant Other (referred to as SO henceforth) will love you more or treat you better if you lose those 10 annoying pounds, that's not true. Your SO probably doesn't even notice that your thighs touch a little or that you have a few dimples on your booty. If your SO does notice, then he/she will love you enough to not say anything to you about them. If, on the other hand, your SO points it out in a nasty manner, then he or she isn't the one for you.
If, after you've been together a long time, your SO mentions that there's some concern for your health because you've gained 50lbs, then by all means, listen. Your SO is telling you that they want you to be around for a long time. If your SO strays and blames it on your weight gain, that's a lie. Or, rather, it's an excuse for their own flaws. Get rid of 'em, get healthy, and find someone who loves you no matter what. Because, when you think about it, one day we'll all be old and gray and liver-spotted and wrinkly and rotund - how you look when you're 80 won't matter as much as whether or not you still have things to laugh about together.
Another quote that irritates me to no end is "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." Horseshit. I know a lot of thin women who are absolutely miserable. If 2lbs makes a difference in how your day goes, then eat a Fiber One, have a good poop and move on from it. Life is short, way too short to avoid cheese and wine and chocolate all the time. Unwinding with your friends over a bottle of wine at the end of a difficult week tastes so much better than thin feels.
Now, it might sound like I'm saying "Go ahead and let yourself go" but that's not it. I'm saying that self-worth should not be based on a number on the scale. If anything, look at your overall health and make tweaks there, but that should still only be one component of your self-worth.
I definitely have my struggles. I'm a fat chick - I encounter judgement and looks of disdain from strangers a few times a week and, in short, it's extremely unpleasant . However, I know that if I didn't give others a chance because of a split-second impression, I would've lost out on a lot of really wonderful friends, even my husband. If those disdainful strangers don't want to know me, then that's their problem. They'll never have the pleasure of knowing how funny, smart, caring, and insightful I can be. They'll never know the joy of my freshly baked apple bread or bacon mac 'n cheese. If they need a shoulder to cry on at 2am, it won't be mine. I won't be the one to take them shopping and give them an honest fashion opinion. We all have flaws and peccadilloes - I feel that recognizing that puts you on a path to acceptance.
We should always strive to better versions of ourselves, but our waistlines should not be the sole focus. Besides, I'd rather have my biggest flaw apparent to the world, rather than be a skinny bitch who lets her crazy out at the most inopportune moments! :-)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Hot Monkey Love Bacon Mac & Cheese
When one moves to South Carolina, there are a few changes one must make in order to acclimate more quickly.
1. When ordering Tea at a restaurant, expect it to come sweetened with real sugar or simple syrup, diabeetus be damned. If you want to use an artificial sweetener or want it hot, you must be extra clear with your waitress by stating "UN-sweet Tea" or "HOT Tea."
2. Speed limits are really the combined average of drivers on any one particular road; you can either go 15 over or 15 under, but never the actual posted limit.
3. If you need to go out on a Sunday, you must do so before the Lord gets out or wait until the late afternoon. Driving anytime between 10am and 1pm is ill-advised, unless you want to be stuck waiting for a parade of church-goers' minivans. Additionally, dining anywhere during the early afternoon hours will likely be the most trying part of your day as you tangle with children and mouth-breathers.
4. Everything is made better with pork.
On that last note, let me tell you about Hot Monkey Love Bacon Mac and Cheese!
My Mom got this recipe from Giada DiLaurentiis, but since I don't feel her boobs, I mean *she* can cook very well, I've adapted it into a delicious dish of death.
1lb bacon
12 oz penne noodles
1/2 stick of salted butter
1/2 cup flour
8 oz 2% milk (or half & half if you want to up the artery-clogging potential)
2 8oz packages of Kraft Italian 5 Cheese mix with a "touch of Philly" (it actually does melt better), reserve 4 oz of cheese for crust
1 tbs garlic powder
pinch of dry mustard
1/2 cup plain breadcrumbs
Before you cook the bacon, cut it up into 1/2 inch pieces so they'll all get crispy. Nobody wants flaccid bacon in their mac & cheese.
Cook the bacon to a crispy awesome meat candy texture. Drain on paper towels, blot to remove surface grease because it will help keep the bacon crispy.
Cook your noodles until they're al dente - they'll cook a little more in the oven so you don't want them too gummy at the start.
In a 1qt saucepan, melt the butter. Sprinkle in flour while whisking furiously to avoid lumps. Congrats, you've made a roux! Keep whisking and let it cook over low-medium heat for a few minutes until it turns slightly dark blond to remove that raw flour taste.
Slowly pour the milk into the saucepan, whisking life your life depends on it, until it's thoroughly combined and add the garlic and mustard. Congrats, now you've made a bechamel!
Raise the heat slightly to bring the sauce up to cheese melting temperature. When you see little bubbles form at the sides of the pot, you're ready to add the cheese.
(I find it helpful to dump 3/4 of the cheese onto a plate because you have to keep whisking and it's pretty much an exercise in ineptitude to keep whisking while trying to get your hand out of the bag of cheese without making a giant mess. Or, as Patches O'Houlihan would say, "looking like a retard trying to hump a doorknob.")
On low heat, sprinkle the cheese in ONE handful at a time, continuously whisking in a figure-8 motion, until the cheese has thoroughly combined before adding the next handful. This technique, taught by the Swiss and their delightful fondue masters (or whatever nationality of the waiter at Melting Pot), ensures a velvety smoothness sexy enough for even the most ardent vegan.
In a greased 9x13 cassarole dish, combine the noodles, sauce, and bacon until it's almost wrong. Sprinkle breadcrumbs and remaining 4oz of cheese lovingly over the top. Don't worry if it's soupy because it will thicken during the bake.
Bake in 350 degree oven for 35-45 minutes until the cheese crust is golden brown and bubbly.
Yes, it will look so damn good coming out of the oven that you'll want to hump it, but keep it in your pants and let it cool for at least 10 minutes before serving. I hope you enjoy!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Jambalaya in 30 or less
Well, we finally had a little money and I could actually afford to really cook for the first time in months. Sure, I've made baked ziti, chicken pot dumplins (hybrid of chicken pot pie and chicken 'n dumplins), and stroganoff, but those are what I consider cheap staples. Nothing too fancy and definitely not worth writing about.
However, tonight - tonight I got to make jambalaya! With andouille, not kielbasa! And it only took 30 minutes! (which means it'll be spicy as hell come tomorrow!)
Okay, it wasn't true N'Awlins Jambalaya, but based on a suggestion from the husband coupled with a cold weather snap, it was perfect. And the husband was so excited by how good it smelled, he even left his video game to watch it simmer and grope my butt, so that's saying something!
White rice, about 4 cups cooked. Use whatever you like, but I go with the boil-in-bag variety so I can use a few tablespoons of the starchy cooking water to thicken the jambalaya.
1/4 cup diced celery
1/2 cup white onions
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 tbs canola oil
2 tbs cajun seasoning (BAM!)
1 tbs cayenne pepper (more or less depending on heat preference)
1 rope andouille sausage, sliced diagonally into 1/2 inch pieces
2 cans fire-roasted diced tomatoes (I use Hunt's - you don't have to go fire-roasted, but it's soooo good)
1 tbs chicken soup base (or 2 small boullion cubes)
3 scallions, finely chopped (garnish, optional)
In a stock pot over medium heat, add the oil, celery, garlic, white onions, and spices. Get everything nice and coated and let it sweat for a few minutes until the onions are almost translucent. Add the sliced sausage and stir. You're basically letting the fat in the sausage melt and get all delicious.
After 3 minutes, add the tomatoes. Bring up to a boil, reduce to simmer and add the chicken base. Add a few tbs of the starchy rice water. Let it simmer for 20-25 minutes until it's reduced by 1/3, stirring occasionally.
The photo doesn't do it justice since the flash was too close, but trust me, it's awesome. Ladle over rice, sprinkle some scallions, and enjoy.
However, tonight - tonight I got to make jambalaya! With andouille, not kielbasa! And it only took 30 minutes! (which means it'll be spicy as hell come tomorrow!)
Okay, it wasn't true N'Awlins Jambalaya, but based on a suggestion from the husband coupled with a cold weather snap, it was perfect. And the husband was so excited by how good it smelled, he even left his video game to watch it simmer and grope my butt, so that's saying something!
White rice, about 4 cups cooked. Use whatever you like, but I go with the boil-in-bag variety so I can use a few tablespoons of the starchy cooking water to thicken the jambalaya.
1/4 cup diced celery
1/2 cup white onions
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 tbs canola oil
2 tbs cajun seasoning (BAM!)
1 tbs cayenne pepper (more or less depending on heat preference)
1 rope andouille sausage, sliced diagonally into 1/2 inch pieces
2 cans fire-roasted diced tomatoes (I use Hunt's - you don't have to go fire-roasted, but it's soooo good)
1 tbs chicken soup base (or 2 small boullion cubes)
3 scallions, finely chopped (garnish, optional)
In a stock pot over medium heat, add the oil, celery, garlic, white onions, and spices. Get everything nice and coated and let it sweat for a few minutes until the onions are almost translucent. Add the sliced sausage and stir. You're basically letting the fat in the sausage melt and get all delicious.
After 3 minutes, add the tomatoes. Bring up to a boil, reduce to simmer and add the chicken base. Add a few tbs of the starchy rice water. Let it simmer for 20-25 minutes until it's reduced by 1/3, stirring occasionally.
The photo doesn't do it justice since the flash was too close, but trust me, it's awesome. Ladle over rice, sprinkle some scallions, and enjoy.
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