Awkward Moms Unite!

First, let me say that I had no idea folks had been missing my posts.  That's humbling, considering I tend to rant almost endlessly!  Also, thank you very much.


Secondly, let me tell you that if you're not already reading Awkward Mom's blog, you need to.  She really could be any one of us, flailing wildly at life's little snafus and seeing the comedy in everything.


To me, though, she is Erin and I met her in kindergarten.  Freckled and always slightly awkward, but loving and kind, creative, smart, and quiet.  Oddly quiet, actually, for a little kid ;)  Let's say she was reserved.... that sounds better :)

There's Awkward Mom standing awkwardly to my left!  Sept 1987

I have several crystalline memories of Mrs. Awesomely Awkward, but I will share the one that proves she learned Awkwardness from her own mother.  It may have been in 2nd or 3rd grade, right about the time girls start having sleep-overs for their birthdays.  Being in the middle of a cold Chicago winter, there aren't many activities a brave Sleep-over Mom could use to entertain a bunch of giggling girls, so her Mom planned something that would keep us all nice and toasty inside: making caramel.  Now, if that doesn't sound Awkward to you, let me explain the process.  You mix sugar, butter, and water together and let it boil to a certain temperature.  If you don't monitor the temperature carefully, you end up with scorched sugar, ruined pots, or having to remodel the kitchen.  When it reaches the right temperature, you pour it out on wax paper and let it cool so you can handle it. "Okay, doesn't sound too bad," you're thinking - but imagine that going on while ten tiny women are running around the house, up the stairs, screeching and laughing.


The next step is to pull the caramel.  This involves greasing up your hands and basically stretching the bejeezus out of it until it's aerated enough.  "Okay, so?" you're thinking.  But now, think about covering ten girls' hands in butter and letting them loose on some very hot sugar.  As a child, I had a tendency to try to "out-manner" kids my age and just be as polite as possible, the best guest.  I know I made a huge mess, so I can't even imagine how many surfaces were sticky or greasy when we were done.  It's a great memory for me, but it also exemplifies the Awesomely Awkward Mom - getting up the courage to do something extraordinary and then having the patience and sense of humor to see it through.


As you know, I'm not a Mom, despite my maternal tendencies (unless you count my 2 year old beagle, who may as well be a toddler - gets in to everything and you worry when it's quiet because he's up to no good), but this is a collection of the best tips I've learned from Moms who are raising great kids, like that Awkward Mom Erin:

• Don't worry so much.
• Let your kids play in the dirt (more exposure to germs now is scientifically proven to be better for your kid's immune system later on)
• Let your kids go down the big slide alone - it helps teach independence, self-confidence, and problem-solving skills
• Try to spend as much time with them when they're little - it's the most fun time.  Your career is important, but when you're old and gray, you'll wish you could cuddle them to sleep every night.  Plus, when they get to school, they learn other kids' bad habits, and before you know it, you'll have a little bucket of rage on your hands
• Try not to be too hard on yourself when you have to discipline your kid.  Learning the difference between right and wrong at a young age prevents them from growing up to be total narcissistic assholes
• When it's time for a birthday party, and you can't entertain the WHOLE class, send invitations out by mail or email, and remind them not to broadcast it at school so no one feels left out
• No, your body isn't the same it was before kids.  Your boobs will never be as perky as they once were, your panty-hamster has seen better days, and your stretchmarks will never tan properly.  Accept it and move on. Don't allow your own body image affect your kids.
• Having said the above, never EVER buy "mom jeans" - just go with the yoga pants :)
• Go "camping" in the living room
• Don't fret if you're feeding your kids peanut butter & jelly on store-bought bread when other moms have quinoa salad and homemade granola - it simply means they have too much time on their hands
• Don't over-schedule your kids but do get them involved in the arts - dance, paint, music - at least once before they're ten years old
• Make sure your kids have a relationship with their grandparents, even if you don't get along with them
• If they don't like what you made for dinner, too bad.  Don't make something "special" for them or you end up with a kid who only eats Kraft Dinner, like me ;)
• Go swimming with your kids and let them jump off your knees
• Read and write stories with them
• Finger paint, sew, play with play-doh, puppets, blocks, and silly putty
• Bake with them, even it's a Duncan Hines cake mix
• Don't be embarrassed when your kid has a tantrum in public - most of us are thinking, "poor Mom" and say "fuck'em" to people who give you dirty looks
• Encourage manners and kindness.
• Remind them of the Golden Rule
• When they get to school, teach them this rhyme "Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other's gold"
• Don't feel bad if you find yourself missing the days before you were known as "Mommy" but DO tell someone if you're having a really hard time
• If there's a grocery delivery service like Peapod in your area, use it
• Let your kids make mistakes and don't cover up for them if they do
• If you have a problem with your kid's teacher, keep it private between you and the teacher
• Get your kids' fingerprinted
• If your local fire or police department has a "safety day," go.  Let your kids know that police officers and firemen are there to help them.
• Get your kids a library card and get involved in storytimes and summer reading clubs
• Pick at least one day a month where everyone goes out and does something active as a family for the day - go to a museum, visit a working farm, go to a petting zoo, have a picnic, take a long walk, visit the botanic gardens, go for a bike ride, visit the zoo
• If you can't be at home to tuck your kids in, be sure you skype or call them before bedtime
• Print out all those great pictures you have on your digital camera or phone - they will be treasures one day

And lastly, remember that you're doing the hardest and most thankless job in the world.  It's okay to take a mini-vacation, even if you just get a sitter for a couple hours to get a pedicure or go grocery shopping alone. Don't measure yourself against other moms, including your own. Learn from your own mistakes, but don't try too hard to be perfect, because foibles make great stories.