Italian Sausage Pizza Pasta (or what do you make with bulk Italian Sausage?)

We've been living in South Carolina for 3 months now and I'm just getting used to the layout of my new favorite grocery store, Ingles.  That's something you don't really think about when moving - not being able to whiz through your shopping list because you don't know where a damn thing is at the new store.  My old Jewel was familiar and comfortable - I automatically listed items on paper in the same order as I would go through the store.  I had my favorite brands of deli cheese and great deals on Coke products (which are almost always full price here since Pepsi was "born in the Carolinas."  Seriously, that's their tagline.) and non-processed foods like milk, veggies, and meats were sold at reasonable prices.  A gallon of milk is almost $5 down here!

Anyway, at a neighbor's suggestion I ventured over the scary 6 lane road into a residential area and found the Ingles Supermarket.  She suggested trying their bulk Italian sausage (1lb for $1.36?! ok!) but when I got home, I realized I had no idea what to do with it.  Turns out, both the hubs and myself were impressed with the end result!

Italian Sausage Pizza Cassarole

30 minute prep, 5 minute cook

Ingredients

1 lb bulk Italian Sausage (or Jennie-O Turkey Italian Sausage, casings removed)

1 pint pre-sliced Baby Bella mushrooms

1 clove fresh garlic, minced

1 red pepper, diced

2 scallions, greens only, sliced (set aside)

2 roma tomatoes, diced (set aside)

2 cups rotini shaped pasta (I used the mini rotinis)

2 tsps butter, separated

1 tsp AP flour

2 cups milk 

1 tsp cajun seasoning

1 tsp fresh basil (I get the tubed kind in the veggie section at the store, but if you only have dried basil, use a 1/2 tsp)

1/ 2 tsp dried oregano

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp red pepper flakes (optional)

4 cups shredded Italian cheese blend (I used Kraft's 5 Italian Cheeses, but Sargento makes a similar product.  As long as it has mozzarella, parmesan, and provolone)  Set aside 1 cup to sprinkle on top

1. Bring water to boil and cook noodles per the package's instructions.  Drain and set aside.

2. While water's heating, cook sausage thoroughly, breaking it up into crumbles as it cooks.  Drain on paper towel and set aside.

3. In the same skillet, melt 1 tsp of butter.  Add mushrooms, garlic, and red peppers.  Keep on low-medium heat to "sweat" the veggies as you saute.  You don't want the garlic to burn.  (The water should be boiling now!)  Cook veggies as long as the noodles boil.  Remove from heat.

4. Drain and set aside noodles.  In the same pot, melt 1 tsp of butter on low heat.  Add 1 tsp of flour and whisk away to make a roux.  When it turns into a flaxen yellow blond color, it's ready for the milk.

5.While continuously whisking, slowly add the milk.  After a few minutes of whisking, roux should be fully incorporated and tiny bubble should appear on the sides.  Congrats, your roux is now a bechamel sauce and the bubbles indicate you've reach it's full thickening power!  Add oregano, basil, garlic, optional pepper flakes and cajun herbs.

6.Continue stirring and add the 1st handful of cheese.  Whisk until fully incorporated and repeat until all but 1 cup of cheese is in the sauce.  Remove from heat.

7.  In a cassarole dish, add noodles, sausage, sauteed veggies, scallions, tomatoes, and cheese sauce. Combine and then sprinkle the remaining cheese.

8. Set dish under broiler for a few minutes until the cheese is melted and bubbly.  Cool for a few minutes then serve with salad or garlic bread.

Pollo al Mattone (or Mighty Brickhouse Chick) she's a brick...house She's mighty mighty!

Hey Grill Fiends!


I don't know if this happens to you, but it seems like every damn time I grill chicken (breast, pieces, whatever) it always takes foooorrrreeevvvveerrrrr to get done.  Ha!  But not this time!  This is my new favorite (and easy) way to cook it.


What you'll need are 2 bricks (we have a couple laying around the basement from when they built the house), a whole chicken (innards removed, skin on), and a marinade.


Now, you can pretty much choose any marinade you like - perhaps you're feeling spicy - but I went Mediterranean.


Marinade


3 large cloves of garlic, peeled
1/4 cup fresh basil leaves
1 tsp oregano
juice from one lemon
1/2 cup olive oil (I used "extra light tasting" since I'm not a fan of EVOO's taste unless it's on bread)
(you could add a dash or two of balsamic vinegar if you like)


Pulse in the food processor (yeah, like I'm gonna mortar&pestle that out, ha!) for about 30 seconds.  You want it to be thick, but not like a paste.  More like a chunky dressing, so if you need to, add more oil.


Split the bird down the backbone so it's spread eagle.  Rinse off, pat dry.  Stick it in a lasagna pan, or at least some container with higher walls, and pour half the marinade on the outside.  Massage it in well and then flip the bird over to massage in the remaining half of the marinade.  Cover with foil or plastic wrap and let it sit in the icebox for a few hours.


After a few hours, get the grill going.  You want it medium hot when you cook, so keep that in mind.  (Medium heat = bare hand over the center of the coals for no longer than 4-5 seconds)  


Since our bricks had been in the basement with creepy-crawlies for years, we washed them off :)  Wrap them in foil.


Now to grill:


Liberally salt & pepper the bird's skin and tuck the wings underneath so they don't burn.  If you are using regular table salt & pepper, don't be as liberal as I am with my grinders.


Let as much marinade as possible to drip off the chicken before putting it on the grill.  Oil + flames = HOLY SHIT! MY EYEBROWS!


Place the chicken SKIN SIDE DOWN directly over the center.  Place a brick on each side of the breastbone so it weighs on the chicken.  Resist the urge to fiddle with it - just let it cook for 14 minutes.


After 14 minutes, the skin should be browned and crispy.  Using tongs, and perhaps a helper, flip the chicken over to cook in the inside.  No need to replace the bricks as the chicken's already flattened.  You want the breast temperature to get to about 165 and the thigh to about 150.  Carry-over heat will even it out as you let it rest under foil for 10 minutes.  Carve and enjoy!

"The lady's stacked and that's a fact - ain't holding nothing back!"

In my family, we don't see a point to getting the grill going if we're cooking only one thing, so I chose side dishes at the last minute.  This is my new favorite way to make potatoes on the grill!


Buttery Grilled Taters


3-4 Yukon gold or new potatoes (waxy are better than starchy because you don't have to peel them)
2 tbs butter
1tsp garlic powder
salt & pepper


Dice potatoes into 1/2 inch cubes as uniform in size as possible to ensure quick, even cooking.  Melt the butter in the microwave until it's fully liquid.  Sprinkle salt, garlic powder, and pepper into the butter and toss with diced potatoes.


Make a little round foil "boat."  (I could've used an aluminium pie pan, but why bother?)  Make sure to make it double-thick so it doesn't burn on the grill.  Spread buttered tater pieces into the boat in a single layer.  Make a little foil hat and cover it loosely.  Place on the grill for about 20 minutes.  They'll be nice and soft and browned and buttery - like hash browns but not as crispy.  I did this when we first poured the hot coals into the grill so we didn't waste that high heat before putting the chicken on.  Nom nom nom soooo good.


My Favorite Grilled Asparagus


bunch of asparagus, woody ends chopped off.


Put them in a freezer bag, drizzle in some olive or canola oil (2 tsp at most depending on how big the bunch is).  Sprinkle in some Montreal Steak seasoning (I don't know why it's so good on asparagus, but it is!  The spices get crunchy on the grill) and mush it all around so everybody gets a little wet.


Place on the grill (make sure they don't fall in!  I lost 9 by my brother's count this time) and let them cook for about 10 minutes.  The tops should be slightly charred, the bodies should be bright green and tender, meaning if you pick one up with tongs, it will be a little floppy but not flaccid.  Nobody likes flaccid asparagus.  




The best part about this chicken under a brick meal is that all the pieces - breast, leg, thigh - was done at the same time!  And it was juicy!  


The downside, of course, is asparagus pee.  Yuck.

Oh, Panko, how I love thee... Fiery Buttermilk fried Chicken

Alright, I admit it, since I came back from vacation, I've kinda' let myself go...  I think it's partly due to the November-like spring we've been having, but I've also felt a bit uninspired.  Uninspired to kick ass during my workouts, uninspired to write, uninspired to cook.   My get up and go must've got up and went  ~ what song is that again?


Anyway, vacation is over.  Sometimes the lightning bolt doesn't strike you ~ sometimes, you've just gotta stick your finger in the socket.


As I said in an earlier post, I pretty much figured out the flavor components to Buffalo Wild Wings' Asian Zing sauce.  I wanted something spicy, but not so heavy that I had to lay on the couch like a manatee all night.  Hence,

Zinging Salad with Fiery Buttermilk "Fried" Chicken Bites
serves 4 (or 6 if you add all the optional veggies)


As my husband said earlier, "I wish I'd discovered Panko earlier in life."  Seriously.  With Panko breadcrumbs, you can "fry" your chicken in the oven and still that wonderfully crunchy coating without using oil and ending up explaining that scar over your eye from an exploding oil incident for the next decade.


As you know, the husband and I are wary of mystery chicken, so I usually get 4 "recipe ready" boneless, skinless breasts, which I then trim even more until they resemble squares.  Tendons don't belong in your body unless they're connecting your own muscles and bones, knowwhatImean?  After they're in neat little rectangles, I cut them into 1"-2" inch pieces as uniformly as possible to ensure even cooking.


Fiery Buttermilk Fried Chicken
Ingredients
2 cups Buttermilk
1 tbs fresh chili paste (in the Asian or Ethnic food section at the grocery store)
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp minced ginger
1 tbs soy sauce
Approx 1 lb cubed chicken breast, uncooked.
Approx 2 cups Panko breadcrumbs
salt & pepper to taste


In either a gallon zippy bag or a quart Tupperware container (with a lid that really seals well), combine all ingredients.  Secure container and shake well to combine.  Drop chicken chunks into the buttermilk mixture, get everything swimming, seal and refrigerate for at least 1 hour, giving it a stir or shake at least once. 


Zinging Dressing (this is thinner than a sauce, but not technically a vinaigrette because there's no vinegar)
Ingredients
All the pineapple juice from 1 can of diced or crushed pineapple
1 tsp fresh chili paste (or more if you want it super hot)
1/2 tsp freshly minced garlic
1/2 tsp freshly minced ginger
2 tbs honey
2 tbs canola oil
couple of dashes soy sauce


While the chicken hangs out in the fridge in their buttermik bath, combine all the ingredients in a container with a lid that seals securely (unless you want to clean spots off your ceiling and cabinets). Close container and shake well for about 30 seconds to emulsify mixture and refrigerate.  The oil will separate out in the fridge so don't forget to shake well again before serving!

Back to the chicken...


Preheat your oven to 400 degrees and cover 2 half-sheet baking pans in foil for easy clean-up.  In a gallon zippy bag, pour in your 2 cups on Panko.  Give the chicken a stir and empty some of the buttermilk into the sink, careful to keep those chicken chunks in, to avoid making a HUGE mess during transfer.  Using tongs, transfer 6-7 pieces of chicken into the Panko bag, allowing the excess liquid to drain off first.  Seal the bag, shake it up to get 'em all nice and coated.  Then transfer coated chicken to pans, leaving about 1-2 inches of space between them.


The one problem with baking Panko is that it doesn't really "brown" like fried chicken.  No big deal, but if you want that effect, you can drizzle a little melted butter over each piece OR spritz with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray (every good calorie counter should have some on hand - it's great for unsticking noodles before saucing them instead of using a pat of butter)


When you've got all the chicken coated, bake on racks in the oven's middle position, about 25 - 30 minutes.  Depending on your oven, you'll probably need to flip the pans around at least once to keep from burning.


Now, the salad.


Butter lettuce, either 2 chopped heads OR 1 bag of pre-washed "Butter Lovers" lettuce
1 red pepper, finely diced
1/2 cup shelled, cooked edamame (why can't we just call them soybeans?  not romantic enough?)
1/2 cup shredded red cabbage
1/4 cup matchstick carrots, optional
2 scallions, greens only, finely chopped, optional
2 baby bok choy, chopped, optional
Chow Mein noodles for garnish, optional


Mingle the veggies, place on a serving plate or your own dinner plate, arrange chicken chunks on top, spoon Zinging Dressing on top (it's best if each piece of chicken has a little drizzle).  If it's too spicy, cool it down with another drizzle of ranch dressing.


Prepare for your mind to be blown:


At BDub's, 6 Boneless Asian Zing have about 528 calories, 12 wings are over 1000 calories.  Add the ranch dressing for dipping and you're talking another 150-300 calories.  As for fat, it's about 52 grams with no fiber at all.  That's just Wings - no fries, no salad, nothing else - just Wings, sauce, & ranch dressing.  At least there are 52 grams of protein...


With my recipe, we're looking at under 400 calories for the entire serving and only about 9 grams of fat, PLUS we get at least 4 grams of fiber and you've added 2 servings of veggies to your day's tally!


My husband, who is not a fan of salad by any means, could not stop raving about this.  Usually, I'll make something intended to be eaten as a salad, but instead he'll cram all the veggies down separately as quickly as possible, and then eat the "more enjoyable" protein component.  "You actually got me to mix the chicken INTO the salad!" he exclaimed before demanding this recipe go into the regular rotation.


I prefer using Buttermilk when I oven fry because panko sticks better to it than eggs.  Even when I deep fry chicken, I prefer using panko and buttermilk rather than the traditional flour, eggs, breading route.  It seems to stay crispier.  This Panko technique is reminiscent of Shake 'N Bake (remember that commercial?!), so it's fun for little chefs.  And if you're not feeling the salad, just make the chicken and have your own "boneless wing night" at home :)

Firecracker Chicken Stir-Fry with Spicy Peanut Sauce

I'm back!  Sorry, April was a busy month -vacation, puppy training, crappy weather making me feel laaazzzyyy.  But fear not! I have a new recipe - and it's delicious (just ask my husband)!

Here's a little backstory ~ I love to replicate restaurant meals.  I was hooked after discovering the Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits (nom drool nom) recipe online back in 1999.  I don't visit those restaurant replications sites so much anymore, preferring to "MonicaGeller" that shit (i.e. reverse engineer).  Sometimes I fail, but even my failures tend to be tasty, if not what I originally intended.  For example, I was devastated when Baja Fresh closed its doors in Illinois - I can literally drink their Salsa Baja ~ so I tried to make it.  It's not quite there, but the result is still yummy (recipe to come soon).

Now, we've been going to Disney World annually for a few years now, and the one restaurant we HAVE to go to is 'Ohana.  Who doesn't love fire-roasted meats on sticks, right?  They have a bunch of appetizers with a distinct Pan-Asian flair, like Honey Coriander Chicken Wings, pork potstickers, Honey-lime salad dressing over butter lettuce, etc.  Nearly everything has a burst of citrus or tropical fruits, like freshly-made hawaiian bread with pineapple and coconut.  More recently, they added some Thai flavors, like Peanut stir-fried noodles, though they aren't as spicy as I'd like.  So I came home with the idea that I'd figure out that recipe and make it spicier.  A happy accident was making my beloved Asian Zing sauce from Buffalo Wild Wings!  A hybrid was born and here's what happened:

Firecracker Chicken Stir-Fry with Spicy Peanut Sauce  (serves 6)

For the Firecracker Chicken Marinade (reserve 1/2 liquid for peanut sauce):
2 packages of Chicken Tenderloins, cut into bite-size chunks
2 tsp fresh minced ginger
2 tsp fresh minced garlic
all the liquid from a 16oz can of pineapple chunks (you'll need the fruit for the stir-fry)
juice of 1/2 lime
2 tsp (or tbsp depending on how hot you want it) Chili paste (in Asian food aisle)
4 tsp Soy Sauce
3-4 tbs honey
1 tbs canola oil
fresh cracked pepper

*By the way - if you omit the oil and add more honey, it's pretty much the same as B-Dub's Asian Zing wing sauce

Directions:
In a large bowl, whisk all the ingredients together until emulsified and reserve half in another container for the peanut sauce. Drop chicken pieces in, stir 'em up, cover the container and let marinate in fridge for a few hours.

Peanut Sauce:
1/2 Firecracker marinade
2 tbs peanut butter (sweeter is better, but if you use natural, you'll need a few tsp of sugar)

In a saucepan, bring the marinade up to a slow simmer and add peanut butter.  Whisk until thoroughly combined.  If it's too thick, add some water or juice (citrus or tropical work best) until you reach the desired consistency.  You want it thinner, but not so thin it won't stick to the noodles.

While you're working on that, bring a pot of water to boil and cook the Udon noodles.  Get your wok going on medium-high heat when you drop the noodles in.

Firecracker Chicken
marinated chicken pieces
1 red bell pepper, finely diced
1/2 can pineapple, finely diced (I have an alligator chopper for this)
1 cup shelled pre-cooked edamame
2 scallions, greens only, chopped for garnish
1/4 dry roasted peanuts (the lightly salted kind), for garnish

Using tongs, remove chicken from marinade and drop into wok. You want some marinade left on the pieces, but not so much that you make soup.  Stir every so often to ensure even cooking for about 8 minutes.  Then add the pepper, pineapple, and edamame.  Mix together and let simmer until noodles are done cooking, about 3-4 minutes.

After noodles are done, drain and rinse with cool water, then dump immediately into wok with chicken.  Pour about 1/2 of the peanut sauce on top.  Remove from heat and toss to coat.  If the sauce is too thick, now's the time to add extra liquid if necessary as the noodles will drink it up.

Leave remaining peanut sauce out for others to add to their own plates if they want, as well as the chopped scallions and peanuts.

Mmmmm Bacon & a Salad for Good Measure (or Suck It, Rachel Ray! Part IV)

 

My husband, godblesshim, grew up on a diet of pure junk.  See, he was raised by a single mom who did what a lot of single moms do - work their asses off and have little time or money to feed their kids well.  It wouldn't have mattered anyway since she's a terrible cook.  She once gave us a meatloaf that weighed 10lbs.  I don't know how she turned a pound of ground beef into a ten-pound behemoth, but suffice to say, that creation was absolutely inedible.  Being a Southerner, she loves buffets, and those were probably the most well-rounded meals my husband got as a kid.  He remembers being fed Pepsi (which he drank out of the 2-liter bottle) and cold plain hot dogs for lunch when he was a toddler - turned him off hot dogs for years.  White trash, much?  ;)  


Anyway, when he finally got his own money, he still opted for crap like Hawaiian rolls and chicken wings, despite the fact that he worked at a grocery store.  When we met, he ate a Spicy Chicken from Wendy's at least once, if not twice, a day.  Obviously, his palate was a little difficult to work with when we started living together.  True, he does think I'm an awesome cook, but he's not comparing it to much.  I had to find ways to make balanced meals more tasty for him.  


Salads are particularly challenging.  I love salad - grew up eating all kinds of veggies, and when I moved out, I got creative.  My husband, on the other hand, thinks plain lettuce is a salad, and powers through it with a grimace like a little kid eating lima beans.  Then I remembered a recipe I got from my mom - BLT Chicken Salad.  With most guys, put bacon on it and they'll eat it right up.  David requests this at least once a month now.


BLT Chicken Salad
*makes 2 large dinner salads or 4 lunch-sized salads

*1 pound bacon (technically, you only need about a 1/2# but you might as well cook the whole thing because, let's face it, everyone will snack on a few pieces before dinner)
*4 Market Day Chick'nsteaks or 1 pack of Perdue Fit & Easy Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast Filets (basically, it amounts to 1 unsplit large boneless chicken breast)
*2 tsp Italian Seasoning
*1 tsp garlic powder
*salt & pepper
*1 head romaine lettuce
*2 tomatoes (I like roma/plum)
*2 scallions, greens only, chopped OR bunch of chives, minced


Dressing
*2 tbs Mayo (I used light mayo)
*2 tbs basil paste (I get the stuff in tubes in the produce aisle) OR 1 tsp dried basil OR 2 tsp fresh basil, minced  *Fresh or tubed basil ALWAYS tastes better
*juice of 1/2 lemon
*1/4 tsp dijon mustard (optional)


1.  Cook the bacon.  I prefer to cut the raw bacon into 1/2 inch pieces and use a stock pot because it seems easier to cook with less splattering and more even cooking without having to watch as carefully.  If you cook whole strips in a skillet, make sure to pull each one apart to ensure even cooking.  In the end, you'll need to break everything up in pieces to mix in the dressing anyway.


2. Rinse and dry chicken.  Sprinkle garlic, salt, pepper, and Italian seasoning evenly on each side of breasts.  Preheat a skillet over medium heat.  Use Pam or butter to keep the chicken from sticking.


3.  Cook chicken.  Depending on the thickness, it can take anywhere from 5-10 minutes per side.  After you flip, cover the skillet with a lid to keep some of the moisture in & lower the heat a little - trust me on that.


4.  By now, the bacon should be done.  Remove to a paper towel covered plate with slotted spoon to drain and cool.  Chicken should be done shortly thereafter.  Put the chicken on a plate, let cool for about 10 minutes and dice.


5.  For the dressing, mix mayo, basil, and lemon juice together until well combined.  Add diced chicken and roughly 1/2 # cooked bacon.  Stir to coat.


6.  Prepare your greens, drop a few spoonfuls of chicken/bacon mix on top, sprinkle scallions or chives to garnish and throw on some croutons.  Voila!


*For the chicken, sometimes I use cajun seasoning or a combo or chili paste & garlic instead of the italian seasoning, omitting the dijon in the dressing.  Dowhutchulike.






PS - Don't be surprised if any odorous whizzpopping is oddly reminiscent of a Waffle House grease trap.  Prepare yourself.

Meat-free Fridays Don't Have To Mean Fishsticks (or Suck It, Rachel Ray part III)

I love Costco.  I mean, what red-blooded American girl doesn't dream of lugging home 36 rolls of toilet paper at a steal of a price?  I think most of us shop at big box bulk stores like Costco or Sam's to stock up on necessities like paper towels, laundry detergent, and a 48-count convenience store box of Snickers, right?  Buying in bulk can mean great savings - pick up 6 steaks and freeze some for later, etc.  Planning a party is easier when you can grab 1lb of freshly cooked cocktail shrimp for $10, a tray of hye rollers, and a giant bag of salad greens to offset the huge bag of Doritos.

But then there's that whole food section - all sorts of possibly delicious concoctions like soup, cheese, breads, and frozen meals.  Unfortunately, you can't just buy one of something to try it.  That pack of 12 croissants looks and smells wonderful, but maybe they taste like poo.  It's a gamble, which means you might be wasting more money than it's worth.

I'm not a religious person - the only reasons I know we're in the middle of Lent is because Mardi Gras is over and McDonald's keeps advertising their Filet O' Fish.  But I know some of my readers do try to keep to the whole "fish on Friday" thing and others aren't big fans of red meat, so I decided to try something fishy.  Don't get me wrong, I still love the old childhood fish sticks and Kraft dinner Friday meals, but we could class it up a bit.

Blackened Salmon Burgers
All ingredients were found at Costco, save the alfafa sprouts and cajun seasoning.

Pre-made frozen Salmon patties (bulk bag of 12, keeps for a few months)
Bel Gioso fresh mozzarella (bulk pack of 2 logs, you need about an ounce for each burger, but it keeps for about a month - make a caprese salad in the future!)
Tzatziki sauce (tub of 16oz, but keeps for about a month. It's a great alternative for chip/veggie dips and can be used for kabobs or turkey burgers in the future)
roma tomatoes
English (hothouse) cucumbers (usually a pack of 3, keeps for about 2 weeks - slice some up for salads and dip the rest in the tzatziki!)
alfalfa sprouts
hamburger buns (freeze the ones you don't use for a grilling day later)

1. Spray a pan with nonstick cooking spray and heat over medium-high flame

2. Remove how ever many salmon burgers you need (keep frozen until time to cook)

3. Place burgers on pan, sprinkle tops of burgers with cajun seasoning, which will blacken a little after you flip them.  Cook each side for 5 minutes, covered.

4. Flip burgers one last time and place slices of fresh mozzarella on top, cover, turn heat to low and let the cheese melt.

5. Slather buns with tzatziki, arrange tomatoes and cucumbers.

6. Place burgers on bun and instead of lettuce, try sprouts.

7. Enjoy!  Since salmon's a fairly delicate but distinct flavor, I chose fresh mozzarella instead of cheddar or American because of its mild taste but exceptional meltability.

Normally, I'm not a fan of fish - but I love these.  This is also a great recipe for turkey burgers.  Have a little salad or some chips on the side and you're set.  15 minutes from start to finish!

Chili Cornbread Bake (or, "Suck it, Rachel Ray part II")

My mother, godblessher, is not the greatest cook.  She can bake like the dickens but tends to recycle the same ten meals, all of which are definitely on the bland side.  A half teaspoon of cayenne in jambalaya will set her mouth ablaze.  She is a wuss.  It's not entirely her fault - her mother used plain old original Ragu for spaghetti night - weird, watery, and congealed with the slightest hint of red sauce were her noodles.  And speaking of noodles, Dad ate almost everything over noodles, he loved them so.  He'd even put ketchup, yes you read that right - Heinz Ketchup, on cold noodles and eat them like they were manna from heaven.  Consequently, pepper and salt were the only "taste" ingredients she used for most of her adult life.  And because of that, I never liked chili.  

In my early 20's, I started cooking.  Adding this spice, using that herb - 95% of the time, I received a good response.  While my brother was in the hospital, I'd make dinner for Dad a couple nights a week, and he eventually let it slip that he preferred my chicken & mashed potatoes over Mom's baked-at-400-for-an-hour-chicken-breasts and wallpaper paste taters (though we never told her).

When I was dating my now husband, I started tackling Mom's old recipes trying to improve upon them.  The Chicken Kiev I made from scratch is pretty much the reason why he proposed.  Stroganoff, for example, has become one of my husband's favorites.  Then I decided to take on chili.  I've smelled good chili at restaurants, so I knew it's not just tomatoes, 1 tsp of chili powder, ground beef & kidney beans despite my mother's attempts to make me believe otherwise.  

I searched recipe websites looking for the perfect chili.  Texans, apparently, make the best chili but I know you don't mess with Texas. (Never EVER insult a Texan's brisket - they'll kill you dead with their bbq-covered tongs)  I wanted to give it some kick - not quite like my chili con carne which requires 3 different peppers with varying degrees of heat, but something I could whip up in a cinch without making a supermarket stop.

Here's what I ended up with (just don't make the mistake of serving it as a Valentine's Day dinner like I did one year ~ not so romantic)

Nanner's Easy Chili

1 medium white onion, diced

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 tbs canola oil

1 lb lean ground sirloin

1 can Bush's Chili Beans, medium sauce

1/2 jar salsa (I use Tostitos because it's pretty smooth) OR 1 can Ro-tel

Palmful chili powder (yes, it's a measurement dammit)

1 tsp cajun seasoning

2 tsp cayenne

2 tbs ketchup

3 or 4 shakes Worcestershire

3 tbs bbq sauce (we like Kraft honey barbeque)

1 tsp mustard

4 or 5 slices cooked bacon, crumbled  (crowning glory)

1. In a stockpot, mix together onion, garlic, and oil.  Sweat 'em all down until the onions become translucent, 4 -5 mins on medium heat

2. Add chili powder and cajun seasoning, combine to coat

3. Add beef and cook through

4. Dump everything else (except the bacon) on top, give it a few stirs, bring to a boil and then let simmer for 20-30 mins on medium-low heat.  The longer it simmers, the less watery it will be.

Sprinkle in the crumbled bacon, stir and serve.  We like it over egg noodles or with some Pepperidge Farm Original Goldfish Crackers.  Rice or cornbread works too.  Garnish with cheese, sour cream, pico de gallo, chopped scallions - whatever blows your skirt up.  After the flavors meld in the fridge for a day, this tastes even better.  

This recipe serves 4 -6, but if you're not a leftovers-from-last-night person, like my husband grrr, then it will keep nicely in the freezer for up to 30 days.

So you come home from a long day and decide it's time to break out the chili when you realize you forgot to get scallions and crackers. Is there a way to enjoy chili sans fixings?  Hallelujah, there is!  It's called the CHILI CORNBREAD BAKE!

Here's what you do:

1. Preheat the oven to 425.  Thaw the chili and throw it in the microwave to take the chill off or melt any remaining ice chunks.  It shouldn't be hot, just lukewarm.

2.  Mix up 2 boxes of Jiffy Cornbread Mix, but instead of using 2/3 cup milk, use 1/2 cup milk and 1 small can of creamed sweet corn.  Let it rest for a few minutes.

3.  In a greased cassarole dish, pour 2/3rds of the cornbread batter and spread evenly.

4. Dollop chili on top as evenly as possible, but don't mix in.

5. Sprinkle 3/4 cup shredded cheese over the chili.  I use chihuahua, cheddar & jack - whatever you prefer.

6. Dollop remaining cornbread batter on top 

7.  Turn the oven down to 400 and bake for 25 minutes.  Sprinkle another 1/2 cup shredded cheese on top and bake for another 7-10 minutes until the cheese is melted and the edges of the cornbread brown slightly & start to pull away from the sides of the baking dish.

Let it rest for a few minutes, cut into portions with a spatula and have at!  My husband liked this so much, he told me to put it on "the list."  It ends up like a delicious bastardized version of lasagna.  (PS - Keep in mind that you can do this with any chili, your own secret recipe perhaps?, provided it's not very watery when you assemble the cornbread bake)

The Mystical Aura of Girl Scout Cookies and the Sad Tasteless Truth

Whether you have a healthy relationship with food or not, there is one time of year that we Americans rejoice in together: GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME! Fat or thin, active or couch-potato, foodie or raw fanatic - the majority of us still feel a little surge of happiness when that ordering sheet comes around at work. Maybe you don't give in to the temptation, maybe you buy just one box (it IS a fundraiser after all, you say to yourself), maybe you hope your spouse ordered a couple just in case. 


I was not a Girl Scout, just not my thing, but I remember Mom ordering a whole bunch of cookies every year when I was little.  Dad was a Thin Mint guy and Mom dug the Do-Si-Dos (so what if they gave you heartburn and enough gas to cause you to go airborn?)  Like most folks, Dad kept his Thin Mints in the freezer and ate one sleeve at a time.  I didn't discover the joys of Samoas until college when a friend of mine would have a nigh-rapturous experience eating one cookie each day (so they would last, he explained).


However, for the last ten or so years, they just haven't been as good.  Every year, I'm disappointed and make a mental note to avoid them the following year.  First of all, I recall the sleeves being bigger, which wouldn't be a big deal if the cookies were as tasty as they used to be.  I don't know if they switched bakeries (I know there's 2 different bakeries now - hence the different names given to the same cookies, i.e. Samoas vs Caramel deLites) but I do think they make a lower quality product now.  Thin Mints have a waxy taste, Trefoils taste like shortening instead of butter, the cookie part of the Do-Si-Dos has a cardboard consistency.  Did the Girl Scouts fall victim to corporate cost-controlling measures in mass production?  In food manufacturing, they call it quality control - machines measure, pour, and mix to "ensure product consistency" - but what if that product is consistently bad?


We're all aware that cookies are not the best choice for our hearts or waistline.  An apple or some grapes would be a much more healthful choice, but a few cookies every now and then will not dig the proverbial early grave.   Three of their most popular choices, Tagalongs, Samoas, and Thin Mints all tout the "0g Trans Fats" moniker, but because the FDA guidelines allow for some gray area, a serving size must contain LESS THAN ONE gram of trans fats.  Partially hydrogenated oils are what changes the viscosity of our blood - sludging it up so it's harder to pump through your veins and tends to glob up & get stuck - hello heart attack.  A serving size of Samoas is 2 cookies, so if you eat 4 of those tasty little morsels, you've consumed nearly 4g trans fats.  (Check out this blurb from the Chicago Tribune) Moderation is key when indulging, but who eats just 2 Girl Scout Cookies?


Maybe you can eat a couple of Chips Ahoy, but you know that they'll still be at the store next time you go.  Not so with Girl Scout cookies - the sheer limited availability practically forces you to gobble them up right away! Maybe that's part of the strategy - the "McRib Mentality" I like to call it.  When something's only available for a limited time, the advertising companies have trained us to buy a product "before it runs out!"  The McRib (deconstructed here - I caution you to view this only if you're not a fan) is a shaped meat product designed to resemble the real thing, and through some marketing wizardy, McDonald's ensures sales.  Girl Scout Cookies are designed to resemble cookies that might come out of a regular store front bakery, but taste worse than off-brand boxed cookies you get at the supermarket. 


So I guess what I'm saying is, next year just donate directly to the Girl Scouts and buy yourself a nice cookie from a neighborhood shop, like Bennison's Bakery.  If you're gonna indulge on special cookies, at least make it worth the money!

Confessions of an Emotional Eater or Waking the Sleeping Dragon

Notice how I say Emotional Eater?  Not Stress Eater or Nervous Eater or Depressive Eater - just simply Emotional.  Why?  Because Stress, Nerves, Depression are all indicative of a mental state, thus emotive.  Most of us have some sort of emotional connection to food - your grandmother's chicken soup or your Dad's potato salad.  Food reminds us of where we've come from.  Our earliest experience with parental bonding is when we nurse as minutes-old babies.  In fact, oxytocin, coined the "love hormone," floods mothers' brains when they begin breast-feeding, strengthening the feelings of love and trust with their baby.  This is remarkable, really.  It helps ensure the infant's survival - nursing becomes a sort of positive feedback loop during which the mother essentially craves more of that chemical.  Well-fed babies survive best.


My husband was watching Top Chef on Bravo recently, and noted that Lorraine Bracco and the rest of the guest judges kept going back to how the food made them feel.  Really, think about a time when you were excited about food - and I don't mean getting to try out that new restaurant you've heard great things about.  I mean a time when it was something as simple as a grilled cheese sandwich or a burger.  Now, try to remember why you were excited.  Had it been a long day at work? Was it your birthday? Did your spouse offer out of the blue to pick something up on the way home?  I'm sure you can remember if you really think about it.


But as an Emotional Eater, all food ties into emotion somehow.  I've been cursed and blessed with an extremely long and detailed memory.  When I was almost 3, I remember feeling super-special because my Dad got the vending machine guys to toss me an Orange Crush while we waited for my Mom to get her ultrasound done on my overdue baby brother.  The following year, I somersaulted off the bed and sprained my neck; my Mom held her hands around my neck like a C-spine collar until Grampa arrived to take us to the hospital; I ate Cheerios while we waited.  At age 7, Gramma and Grampa brought over Mama Luna's pizza and told us they were taking us to Disneyworld while we ate.  And so on...


It doesn't matter if I'm anxious, sad, happy, or bored, or whatever's in-between - I find something to eat if it's a strong emotion.  The only thing that changes is what I want to eat based on the emotion. And this is where the addiction rears its ugly head - I need to eat something that fills the hole, so to speak.  Something that takes the edge off the feeling.  To put emotions on a scale of 1 to 10, and happiness is at level 5 when a new episode of my favorite show is on, I'm okay.  But when my favorite band closes a show with my favorite song, that's a level 10, and a cheeseburger will get me back down to a level 5.  The stress of monthly bills is a comfortable level 6, but the costs of moving are a level 10, a big ol' sandwich scales that back to a level 5.


At some point during childhood, I learned that food soothes the beast. I've been told that I always wanted to be held, like a little monkey, which became quite a challenge after my brother was born.  My puppy's like that - so when I'm busy with other things, I put some peanut butter in a toy and he's occupied on his own.  I'm pretty sure that's what everyone did with me - it was either feed me or have a nervous breakdown.  


My brother was a handful; he nearly required constant supervision.  Though I'm not a advocate of drugging youngsters, he was definitely the poster child for ritalin. Dad was a great guy, but a little emotionally ill-equipped as a father - he wanted us to be seen and not heard - and he'd get much louder than we ever could.  So between those two males, Mom had her hands full. I, on the other hand, could stifle my feelings with food and just sit calmly reading a book or watching tv if I wasn't out playing.


Of course, stuffing my feelings down has led to TWO unintended side effects.  One is obvious, weight gain.  The other that food doesn't make the emotions go away, it just soothes the beast, as I said before.  It means that feelings tend to come out too strongly for the situation and at really inappropriate times.  For example, I was on the E.T. Ride at Universal Studios and started BAWLING when E.T. said "Annnnaa friiiieeeennnd" at the end.  I'm not allowed to watch any ASPCA commercials or talk to my husband about the big bang.  Again, I have to stifle myself.


So I exercise.  The physical exhaustion helps take the emotional edge off, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit to eating more than my fair share of Nutter Butter cookies the other day when I was trying to figure out how to make a career change.  I know all the weight-loss tricks, I understand nutrition, I realize how my genetics affect me, I get portion-control - but, like a lot of overweight folks, I still can't quite grasp how to break the link between my emotions and food.  That's the battle.

Suck it, Rachel Ray!

This recipe is inspired by Awkward Mom (seriously, read her blog!) and her trials and tribulations preparing a nice meal for her family.

Oven-Fried Chicken with Warm Dijon, Sauteed Asparagus and Smashed Chive Potatoes

Chicken

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts  (Save time with Perdue Fit & Easy or Market Day Chick'n Steaks - just be sure to cut off any extra "bits" like connective tissue...eww)

1 egg, beaten

1 tbs water

1 tsp garlic powder

1 tbs cajun seasoning (mix of garlic powder, onion powder, salt, pepper, cayenne, dried mustard - I use Emeril's)

3 cups Panko (Japanese style) breadcrumbs

1. Crank the oven to 400, line a cookie sheet with aluminium foil

2. Remove chicken from package, rinse with water, and pat dry

3. Scramble egg with water in a bowl large enough to dip the chicken

4.Pour the 1 1/2 cups Panko on a paper plate or wax paper

5. Dip chicken in egg wash, let excess drip off, and place on Panko.  Repeat with all chicken.

6. Sprinkle each breast with cajun season and garlic powder

7. Pour remaining Panko on top of breasts, then smoosh well to ensure breadcrumbs stick to egg wash

8.  Place on foil-covered sheet and bake for approximately 20 - 25 minutes (depending on thickness).  Test temp with instead read thermometer just to be sure.

*Note: the Panko will not brown very much - UNLESS you drizzle a little melted butter or olive oil on top.  This is more of a personal thing

Smashed Potatoes

(Before prepping chicken, get a pot of water going on the stove)

Approximately 1/2  - 1 lbs of small red boiler potatoes (depending on how many taters your family likes to eat), unpeeled and roughly an inch in diameter - though you should cut bigger ones in half to ensure even cooking

salt

pepper

1/4 cup cream cheese (lite or regular)

2 tsp freshly chopped chives (I s'pose you could use dried chives, but why?)

1. In theory, the water should be boiling by the time you get the chicken in the oven.  Drop those unpeeled red taters in the water.  Don't forget to salt the water!

2. Boil vigorously for about 15 minutes; they should be fork tender

3. Drain and return to pot

4. Drop in cream cheese and start mashing; the cheese should melt and make everything nice and creamy

5. Add salt and pepper to taste, sprinkle chives and stir

Sauteed Asparagus

1 bunch (approx 1 lb) asparagus

1 tbs olive oil (eyeball it)

1 tsp Montreal Steak Seasoning

1. Trim woody ends off asparagus and chop remainder into 1" long pieces

2. Place asparagus in quart freezer bag, pour olive oil and seasoning on top.  Seal bag and squish around so everything is coated

3. Get a pan going over medium heat and saute those asparagus buggers 

4. Asparagus will turn bright green when done and the tips should have a slight char on them; they should still have a bite but not be raw or conversely, all flaccid.  Nobody likes flaccid.

Warm Dijon Sauce

1 cup plain yogurt (Greek-style if you want your sauce thicker)

2 tsp dijon mustard

1/2 tsp Cajun seasoning

1. In microwave-safe container, warm ingredients - about 2 1/2  minutes at 50% power.  Stir often to ensure uniform warming.  You could do this in a saucepan, but it's a little harder to control the heat.

Hopefully, everything has finished cooking at the same time, but that depends on several factors (thickness of chicken, children needing attention, etc).  If your spouse hasn't arrived or you need to watch your child re-enact Rapunzel letting down her hair, just turn the asparagus burner off.  You can re-warm when you're ready to eat.  Also, the chicken can stay in the oven, provided you turn off the oven and cover them with foil.  Taters can also be re-warmed in the pot on low heat.

However, if you need to put everything in the fridge because someone's really late for dinner, make a little plate, excluding the sauce, and cover it loosely with foil - too tight and the chicken will get soggy.  When it's time to zap in the microwave, cover the plate with a loose paper towel and warm for about 2-3 minutes at 80% power.  Then do the sauce the same as you did before.

Now why did I use yogurt instead of mayo or making my own cream sauce?  A couple reasons - yogurt has a tangy quality that goes nicely with the spicy chicken and it mellows out the strength of the dijon.  Also, yogurt is a more healthful choice than mayo or bechamel.  I've learned that eating healthfully does not mean a sauceless life - you just have to edit or replace ingredients to make what you love better for you.  My husband, who was raised on fast food, loves my chicken dishes - and I haven't fried a piece of chicken for years!

The Burden of Breasts

Wouldn't you like to be the same weight you were in high school?  I think most of us would. Your boobs were perky, clothes hung right on your hips and guys had all this sudden muscle from the increased testosterone.  Except my ta-tas weren't all that perky (though they certainly didn't need as much help as they do now!) and I was considered fat in comparison to the other girls my age.  Now, I'd kill to be that size hehehe.


My "girls" became "ladies" at the ripe old age of 12, when I recall wearing a 38C bra.  I wore a training bra when I was 7, and still flashback in horror to the day in 4th grade when my DAD asked if I was wearing my bra before a softball game.  As a big kid, not only did I have to contend with nasty comments about being a "big fat banana" or being asked to do the "Truffle Shuffle" (I kicked that kid's ass, btw), I also had to deal with early-onset puberty.  Thanks to my flab, my body started producing sex hormones waaaay earlier than most girls.


As a result, the rest of my life became a double-edged sword when it came to the opposite sex.  Teenage boys and their raging hormones wanted to touch boobies, preferably big ones, yet they didn't want to deal with any of the other curves that came with them.  Very few girls were thin and busty back then.  So the guy who told me I was too fat to date would be the same guy who tried to grope me at a party.  Nice :-/


Bra shopping has long been a nightmare.  Those cute, coquettish bras advertised in Victoria's Secret only go up to a 38DD - after that, it's your basic full-coverage underwire.  If you're lucky, you can get a color besides beige, black or white.  Aside from that, those adorable undergarments are really only meant for "business time" unless you're a forever-perky A or B cup.  Finding a good bra that lifts, separates, and DOES NOT make you look like a 1950's pointy pin-up is tough, so when I find a style that works, I wear that bra until it falls off... literally.


My senior year of high school, my girls' PE class had to take swimming.  If you had to endure that special horror, you remember that there was NEVER enough time between getting out the pool, showering, and re-dressing for your next class.  It was a new kind of torture, having my next class as far away from the pool as possible, with only 5 minutes in between bells.  So, you've already had your Rubenesque body on display in front of people you'd never let see you naked (though, luckily, 3 of my best friends were in that class and the awkwardness wasn't as bad) and now you're mostly dry.  It's those pesky damp spots that make re-dressing quickly so damn difficult - you basically become a contortionist to get your bra on.  So one day, I'm twisting and turning and hurrying and sweating more, and I finally get one bra strap up.  Then in the middle of the other strap being pulled over my shoulder, it snaps in twain.  Oh, fuck me!  Since I'm not a little girl, there's no way I can allow my boobs to hang in the breeze all day long.  What do I do??  With some quick thinking, I finish dressing, hold my backpack in front of me, and get down to the dean's office.  Mr. Wayne, my dean, and I were friendly in that smartass kid - smartass teacher kind of way... maybe I could charm him into letting me go home?  


"Don't you have a class now, Anna?" Mr. Wayne asks, raising his eyebrow.


"Yeah, but could I chat with you a minute?" I ask, my face a shade of red only found on poisonous arrow frogs in the Amazonian jungle.  He looks suspicious, but waves me into his office.  I keep holding my backpack in front of me as I sit down.  "Soooo.... funny thing happened," I begin.


After I finish telling him that I'm pretty much in a mammary free-fall, he turns red.  The feeling in his office was a bizarre mix of awkwardness, embarrassment, bemusement, and bewilderment.  "And what can I do for you?" he asks, voice going up a pitch as he stifles a laugh.


"Just give me a damn pass to go off-campus so I can go home and change!" I plead.


"I'm really sorry for your unfortunate... erm... incident, Anna, but I can't just let you blow off a class."


"It's a good reason, Wayne!"


"Well..." he hems.


"Oh, c'mon, if a kid shit his pants, you'd let him go home to change, right?" I interrupt, looking him dead in the eye.


"If a kid shit his pants, I'd tell him to stay at home!" he laughs.  "I'm sorry, I can't let you go.  When's your lunch?"


So I had to drive home during lunch, hoist the girls into another boulder-holder and return to school.  Not my most shining moment, but I bet Mr. Wayne had a good laugh about it in the teacher's lounge...